Outnumbered Two to One

Membership does have its rewards, yet it carries its disadvantages as well.

I like to think I’m a pretty even tempered person most of the time, yet there are moments - moments that coincide with a certain biological cycle that’s beyond my control - when I am certifiable. Narrow it down to whatever axiom you prefer: froot loops, bananas, nuts, cuckoo, cracked, batty, loony. You get the picture. Things that wouldn’t normally phase me are suddenly the equivalent of an emotional atom bomb.

Yesterday we spent oodles of cash dollars on school supplies. Not monopoly money, we didn’t pay in cheese, but real hard earned dough. It was a somewhat devastating blow to our checkbook. Watching that total rise as the cashier continued to scan item after item, aged both me and my husband drastically over the course of just a few minutes. So this evening when he was called at home and offered 10 hours of overtime, it seemed like a good idea for him to take it. Simple enough. We’re spending money, so it’s only logical that he would accept an opportunity to soften the blow of our financial deficit. Spending=bad. Overtime=good.

Were I evaluating the situation lucidly, I would have agreed, happily kissed him good-bye, and gone to bed. Instead I dissolved into a fit of sobs and tears that would shame any reasonable woman. I had my reasons. I will attempt to logically reconstruct my frame of mind. I warn you, this will not be pretty.

1. I felt bad he was going to work because (a) it was his day off (b) he’d just got done mowing the lawn (c) dinner was ready and (d) he hadn’t eaten.

2. I felt guilty he was going to work because (a) we needed the money which was (b) directly my fault because (c) I don’t have a paying job and (d) I loaded our shopping cart full of stuff yesterday and although none of it was for me, the physical act of putting slacks, and crayons, and safety scissors, and giant glue sticks, in the cart made me solely responsible for our huge bill come check out time.

3. I felt sad he was going to work because (a) he wouldn’t be able to watch dinosaurs on TV with our five year old or (b) listen to him read his Kindergarten word cards that he just learned and (c) my husband wouldn’t be able to sleep in his bed for two nights which would (d) make him very tired when he did come home on Monday which will put everyone on edge even though it’s nobody’s fault and then he’d have to (e) sleep it off which would be a total waste of a perfectly good day especially when we still have things to buy for school.

4. I felt angry he was going to work because (a) it caused me to cry for no reason and (b) I couldn’t stop which made him (c) stare at me like I was some fragile little creature which just made me (d) cry harder which just made me (e) angrier.

Days like today, I envy men the simplicity of not being at the mercy of their hormones, that and being able to pee standing up.

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