Outnumbered Two to One

Bed-time is always delightful.

Here the children always listen to their mother, who always speaks in a calm even tone.

Here the children never ever ignore her because they know she is the best mother, the kindest, wisest mother, who never ever has unpredictable hormonal fluxes, who never ever bloats, or feels crazy, or yells nonsense at the top of her lungs loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

No. In the land of fantasy there is none of that.

Here toddlers behave beautifully and are always squeaky clean. They never ever try to touch the dog’s privates and they never ever get belt buckles lodged in their mouths while their mommies are trying to pull dinner out of the oven. In the land of fantasy, toddlers smile and coo and stay exactly where there mommies left them, wearing diapers that always smell faintly of potpourri and gardenias.

Here the children do their homework without being asked, they also do dishes and laundry and scrub the grout in the bathrooms and landscape the front yard and stucco the exterior of the house and know trigonometry.

In the land of fantasy teenagers are never sassy or surly. They never talk about getting tattoos or piercing their faces or dyeing their hair the color of fire or a nasty infection. Here teenagers only take fifteen minutes to get ready, they never ever monopolize the bathroom or lock doors or scream at their sisters for looking at them.

In the land of fantasy, everyone sleeps all night and diapers never leak and mommies always wake up feeling rested and refreshed and looking younger than they did the day before…

Yeah.

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