Sep 04 2008
Thursday Thirteen - Reasons I’m Not Cool to the Average Teen
This list is inspired of course by my own sassy teen, who has banned me from volunteering at her middle school, despite assurances from me that I am indeed cool and worthy of being granted admittance to her little corner of hell. I really can’t volunteer with my little toddler in tow, so it’s a moot point, but I love to see my daughter squirm when I bring it up. Anyway…
1. I am old. Granted I’m only 33, which in the grand scheme of things is still considered whipper-snapper territory, however in teen years (which are similar to dog years) I’m approximately 92.
2. I don’t wear the right clothes. Frankly I don’t know what the right clothes are either and my daughter won’t tell me for fear I might go out an buy them and possibly look ridiculous wearing them.
3. I’ve been known to randomly break into song whenever and wherever the mood strikes me. Usually loudly and very off key. Sometimes I know the words, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I make up my own random lyrics which can be cringe inducing.
4. I have also been known to shake my booty in public.
5. Sometimes my husband and I have been guilty of some very innocent PDA (public displays of affection) which of course is always nausea inducing to the average teen, since we are indeed ancient.
6. I laugh way too loud.
7. Sometimes I yell at people when I am driving, almost always with the windows rolled up. But just that fact makes me aggressive and reckless and obviously incapable of behaving decently in a school setting.
8. I’m a mom. I think my daughter might want people to believe she was created in a lab and having an actual flesh and blood parent might interfere with that notion.
9. I am constantly reassuring her that yes I am actually cool, which almost immediately nullifies any cool factor I may have once thought I possessed.
10. I try too hard to be funny. I like to make my kids laugh and I am not opposed to physical comedy neither at home nor in public. This is almost never successful with the average teen who will proceed to roll their eyes up as far back as they will go, then start sounding like they have an air leak.
11. I don’t know anything…about anything. Every fact I ever give my teen is usually called in to question probably because I’m old and my brain is all cobwebby inside, it’s a miracle I can even pull my faculties together to drive them too school.
12. I speak. Which could potentially be very damaging, considering I might try to approach one of her peers and divulge some humiliating tidbit about my daughter’s infancy and then she’d be forced to live like a gypsy for the rest of her life.
13. Did I mention I am OLD? I can’t remember, I might have forgotten.
Participate in Thursday Thirteen, it’s a good time.
