Outnumbered Two to One

1. Migraines.  Because I just don’t get enough agonizing headaches the rest of the month.

2. Cramps. Personally, I love being doubled over in pain, it gives me an opportunity to appreciate my feet.

3. Irritability. I think my children and my husband can benefit from a little unpredictable anger, it keeps them on their toes and helps them better appreciate the reasonable ME.

4. Bloating. My fat jeans wouldn’t get worn without it. I hate to just see them hanging in my closet looking forlorn.

5. Fatigue. It’s a nice reminder that sometimes I need to take a break too. When I get said break, I might be laid out on the tile floor with a toddler using my gut as a trampoline, but beggars can’t be choosers.

6. Breast Tenderness. Just so you don’t forget the girls are there. No, they’re not as integral to your daily functioning as say an arm or leg, but occasionally they get tired of being neglected.

7. Difficulty Concentrating. Focusing is overrated, sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses or hey, look at that butterfly settling on the fence, wow, I think that needs to be painted, when was the last time I got a manicure…sorry, what was I saying?

8. Food Cravings. Yeah. Nuff said. Pass the chocolate.

9. Depression. Happiness? Come on, anyone can be happy, it takes character to sink in to the bowels of sadness every month and emerge relatively unscathed.

10. Feeling Overwhelmed. On a daily basis, actually. Wait…why is that specific to PMS?

11. Sudden Mood Changes. It’s the spice of life.

12. Marked Anxiety. Walking around with that feeling of impending doom can be cool, kind of like having a superpower that nobody else knows about and occasionally makes you vomit.

13. Sleeping Too Much. Yeah, as if. I can NEVER sleep too much. Not enough, definitely. But too much. It’s not possible.

Heck yes, I get that kind of crazy. And then some.

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