Outnumbered Two to One

Occasionally I earn one.

Last night for a whopping six hours I was off duty. No homework battles, no feeding uncooperative children, no bedtime fiascos.

For six hours I was not mommy. I had a name. I finished my sentences uninterrupted. I discussed thoughts and books and current events. I got to eat my meal while it was hot and didn’t have to take a single person to the restroom. It was a no whining zone, my friends. One of those rare nights you don’t often see when you’ve got four expert whine makers attached to your person at all times.

The kids stayed home with their very capable father figure and I drove off in to the sunset to meet up with my sister for an eve of shopping, food, and entertainment.

I went all out I’ll have you know. I did not wear my Crocs, my hair was not in a sloppy ponytail, and I was actually wearing make-up. Gasp.

Overall it went well. I found a couple of shirts and some slacks that were plenty marked down at The Gap outlet. We had a lovely dinner at PF Chang’s where we were smart enough to make reservations on a Friday night so there was no waiting for five hours for a table to open up. Appetizers, dinner, dessert. It was very yummy. Too yummy. Actually.

See I have this problem, I love food. If it tastes good, I eat it. Go figure. The issue lies in the fact that I continue eating way after I’m “full”. I pass the “stuffed” mark and still I’m shoveling it in, until I’m “engorged”. And after “engorged”, yes I will order dessert. And eat it. All. of. it.

Where am I going with this?

Needless to say, after I left the restaurant with the top button of my skinny jeans undone something started churning in my guts. And no it wasn’t the guilt I felt at leaving my brood behind for the night.

This was bigger.

But I was not about to cut short a rare girls’ night out for the sake of a little indigestion. No way. So I sucked it up and we headed to the theater which was teeming with teens. I mean they were every where. It was like a roach infestation, they were crawling all over the place with their shaggy hair and eye liner and high pitched squeals.

We purchased tickets for “Burn After Reading ” by the Coen brothers, which both me and my sister figured would be entertaining. The problem was I wasn’t going to make it to the movie without a pit stop. Or two. Or five.

So I missed the first thirty minutes of the movie off and on, to dart out of the darkened theater and disappear into the restroom. Luckily for me the stalls were blissfully free of the teen population, I don’t think I would have gotten through it with a gaggle of giggling girls spouting “ewwws” every time I had, er…well, digestive uhm…stuff happening.

That’s what I get for taking a night off. Still, it was totally worth it.

Unfortunately the movie was lame. But, you take the good with the bad.

Next time, I’m taking Pepto chewables in my purse though. I might not be mommy for the night, but I’ve still got to use those preparedness skills. Mommy is always ready for any contingency, isn’t she?

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