Nov 17 2008
Oh Sister, Sister
The battle lines have been drawn. War is being waged and my daughters are once again sworn enemies. The tension is palpable, or maybe that’s the lingering scent of fried plantains in the house (we’ve got crappy ventilation). Either way, my teen and my tween are holding us hostage with their bickering.
At the heart of it is my tween’s new found strategy of completely ignoring her older sister’s existence. Indefinitely. Something that cuts my teen to her core as she considers herself, by rite of oldest child, to be the boss of everybody. And I mean everybody. To not be heard his her worst nightmare, it compounds her frustration exponentially.
More often than not I find myself siding with my tween because I’ve seen first hand how harsh her sister can be with her. Every question the tween poses, every request, every comment is met with hostility, sarcasm, and contempt. My tween is forever complaining about her sister’s mean streak, to the point where I gave her the following advice…
“Just ignore her. Ignore her when she’s being mean to you, ignore her when she’s nice, ignore her all the time.”
Oops. Er…
I didn’t actually remember uttering that little nugget of guidance. Then today after my teen’s rant about being invisible and how unfair it is for her younger sister to disregard her so plainly, I approached my tween and tried to convince her she couldn’t ignore her sister for the rest of their lives. They share a room, they share a house, they share the common bond of sisterhood.
To which my tween replied, “But you told me to do it.” Then promptly threw my words right back in my face. Oosh.
Needless to say, my teen who was sitting nearby was adequately appalled, while I attempted to back pedal in true stupid-mommy form.
I never actually expect them to listen to me, much less heed my advice. Jeez. If they were only so obedient in other arenas.
I think you do have to put a positive spin on it since she actually took your advice to heart. I’ve got no advice here, I know we’re headed down a similar road in a few years. I’m thinking of making my kids share a room so we can make the second bedroom into a play room (and reclaim our living room from the toys). I don’t know how well that would go over and how soon the battle lines would be drawn…. Good luck with the fighting.
Uh oh. Good luck with this one. I fear for my life when the tween and teen years strike. “Tween” wasn’t even a concept until a few years ago. What will they think of next? Tidd? (That was supposed to be toddler mixed with kid. Honestly, it sounded much better in my head)
I couldn’t help but giggle because this brought back SO many memories of my girls fighting. Sorry you’re having to deal with it….I’m glad it’s over for me.
Ha! I can’t wait for the teen/tween years. Whew! With three girls there will be lots of “ignoring” and lots of “drama.” Fun times! LOL
It’s funny because the other comments are about their kids, and I am laughing because that was me and my sister. She’s 4 years older and still sometimes responds with sarcasm and contempt! I chose to ignore her too. I tried to still be nice when she was, but that took years to work through. Hang in there!!
Doesn’t it figure. The one time they decide to listen! I fixed my link. Thanks for letting me know.
Uh oh, I have used the “ignore her” answer a few times (OK, maybe more than a few). Thanks for the warning. So far, my kids are still at the stage where they don’t actually listen to me so I guess it doesn’t matter. Ignore her seemed like such a good answer before reading your story. Now what do I say? Clobber her just seems like it would create more problems.
As the youngest sister, I know what it’s like. I treated my sister horribly for about 3 years. Don’t worry, it does get better between them. My sister and I are now the best of friends. Just sucks for you to have to be there while they go through it! Best of luck with that one.
Doesn’t that totally figure?? The one time you don’t really expect her to listen, she actually listens and follows through!! The bickering gets so frustrating, doesn’t it? I’m dealing with it too over here!
Sounds like fun. I’m sure your tween loves the reaction she’s getting from her sister. No advice, just hang in there. They’ll eventually grow up.
Oh wow! Hmmm maybe having one child is looking better!! haaahaaa. This sounds so much like my young cousins. My aunt is constantly saying how the older one talks down to the younger and etc.
Good luck!!!
It sure does seem like they listen to us when we DON’T want them to, but when we do, they are apparently DEAF, DUMB or both.
Good luck with the war. Watch out for shrapnel!
You and I? Parallel universe!
Same thing here. My advice to my younger daughter…pretty soon she’ll be in college and not around… you can make it a few more months.
It’s horrible isn’t it? My oldest is the boss of everyone too. You’re not alone. I actually look forward to her going to work sometimes. LOL.
I think your tween actually liked your advice enough to follow through with it. My boys are only 3 and 2 and we’re already seeing the annoyances surface. I’m a little scared for them, but I think and hope it’s just a phase.
Oye. That doesn’t sound like a fun experience. I wish I could give you suggestions. But I don’t have any daughters. I can still fight with my sister though:)
I bet tween is loving the fact that it’s driving teen crazy.
My oldest is a boy and the middle is a girl, and they fight constantly. I feel your pain!
There must be something about the oldest girl in the family. I was just talking with friends about this (in light of three-year-olds, though, mind you), and we decided being bossy must come with being the oldest girl. I know my older sister sure was bossy and critical of me all the time.
I grew up with 2 younger sisters. I feel your pain! And you know what? I am having the SAME issues although my Teen is a boy, Tween a girl! Go figure!
hahaha…
let them be, sibs are sibs. theyre toxic now but at the end of the day their bond’ll become permanent. (see how affected the bigger one was when tween ignored her completely? that twist of the story surprised me… )
my sister and i, we used to be your teen and tween. i hated her, she hated me.
now our souls are seamless, dunno where mine ends and hers begins. ok well, shes a tad more conservative than me and earns 10x more than i do but you get the drift…
im sure you and creepy mime have had your episodes then?
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