Outnumbered Two to One

Life would be like really hard. Cause I’d have to like constantly pause mid-sentence just to like squeeze the word “like” in it at least like twenty times.

I’d have to obsess non-stop about boys noticing me in my skin tight school pants.

The muscles behind my eyeballs would hurt so bad from all the rolling they’d have to do on any given day that I’d need some kind of eyeball therapy just to get them back in rolling condition.

I’d be easily distracted by things like boys or music or music that’s made by boys in really tight pants.

I’d have to take my mom’s camera without asking so I could take weirdo pictures of myself in the bathroom I’m supposed to share with my sister, except it’s totally mine.

I’d have to pretend to be on the toilet a lot, just to get some privacy.

I would be annoyed by everyone on the planet because they’re all stupid, unlike me who is so NOT stupid.

I’d have to slam a lot of doors.

I’d live on a diet of Hot Fries and Coke and Cosmic Brownies.

I’d totally need a cell phone with a texting plan so I could send indecipherable messages to all my friends at any given time of the day or night, then I’d snicker at really inappropriate moments and when someone asked what I was laughing at, I could just roll my overstressed eyeballs and say “nothing” with a smirk.

I’d have to complain a lot about how unfair life is because I never get sick enough to stay home from school or because I don’t have my own room.

I would loathe math.

I’d have to contradict myself at least fifteen times a day on any given topic, then pretend I didn’t.

I would be completely oblivious to the time space continuum, making my perception of a two hour shower seem like just fifteen minutes.

I’d squeal for no apparent reason and say random things in the middle of other people’s conversations, like if someone is talking about the economy, I could volunteer that I love cheese.

Did someone say boys?

boysboysboysboysboysboysboys

Trackback URI | Comments RSS