Outnumbered Two to One

Casey tells me this is week 10 of Club HASAY.

I’ll have to take her word for it, since the month of December has left me feeling like I’ve stumbled in to some kind of vortex where time is completely irrelevant. Days feel like weeks, weeks like months that feel like years. It’s like I’m carrying an extra decade on my face. Surely that can’t be flattering.

So if a simple calendar puzzles me beyond belief, should I really be expected to count calories? Cut carbs? Blast my abs with a cardio workout?

The answer is nay. NAY I say.

I haven’t exercised. I haven’t dieted in…since…let’s just say a while.

Due to the emotional nature of the crisis I recently experienced, I waffled from no eating at all to binging on Christmas cookies to subsisting on Hot Fries and Green Tea. An unhealthy dietary regimen the consequences of which I am currently reaping.

I am sick. koff koff. With the flu. sniffle sniffle.

All joking aside, I feel like garbage. That got hit by a semi. Then trampled by a herd of Spanish bulls. Then slammed by a freight train. Hauling garbage.

There’s no way I’ll be facing Jillian Michaels in my condition.

The only squat thrusts I’ll be doing will be…okay no, I won’t be doing any squat thrusts for a while. At least until my nose stops whistling and my man voice disappears. Instead I’ll be drinking fluids, taking my vitamin C and various OTC meds and longing for the day I’ll be able to hop back on that HASAY wagon.

This week though, the wagon passed me by, while I waved half-heartedly and blew my chaffed nose in to a hanky.

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