Jan 09 2009
Insert Guilt Here - Spin Cycle
Once upon a time I used to be a working mom, back when I was in my 20s and we needed the cash and my mother-in-law was disposed to sit for our one, then two girls for free. I had guilt then, of course, over my absence the better part of the day, over my impatience when I finally was home, over calling in to work when my children were sick, or not being able to miss a day even though they were. There was the dirty laundry that piled up, the field trips I couldn’t attend, having to wake my darlings up before sunrise just to get them to their grandmother’s so I could be to work on time. It made for a crappy feeling I was never able to come to terms with.
When I got pregnant a third time, my mother-in-law, who was getting older and sitting for a total of four kids all together, finally decided to throw in the towel. By then my husband was making better money and we agreed me staying home on a more permanent basis was way cheaper than paying for child care times three. After my son was born I quit my county job and became a SAHM, an acronym I wasn’t familiar with until after I resigned from my full time position.
Stay-at-home-mom. It’s worked out for us, mostly. I can’t imagine caring for my now four children and attempting to commute to a corporate office five days a week. There are so many unpredictable variables I’m confronted with on a regular basis, things that tend to interfere with an actual paying job. Then there’s all that chauffeuring that goes along with the parenting, the cleaning, the feeding…good Lord the never ending feedings!
The plus is I’m around for everything. I don’t miss milestones anymore, I’m here to comfort them through every sadness, every ailment, every bump and scrape and fall. I’m here 24/7.
The downside is, living on one income occasionally bites. More often than not it sucks. Royally. So while I am providing my children with a certain measure of emotional stability, my presence doesn’t do very much for our checkbook. And when the kids are done basking in the ethereal glow of my infinite love, occasionally they need stuff. Material stuff you can only buy at a store with cash dollars.
Their needs are covered, don’t get me wrong. Food, shelter, clothing. The basics. But in kid lingo the word “need” takes on a whole new meaning. My oldest needs her own room. My tween needs a new rolling backpack. My five year old needs to go to Universal Studios. My two-dler needs…well, for now at least, he’s cheap to satisfy.
So the guilt seeps in again. Because I could, in theory, get a job. Earn some money. Contribute to our net worth and maybe occasionally afford us the luxury of a vacation. But it wouldn’t be without its sacrifices, would it? When the kids are older it might be an inevitability, I might have to spruce up that resume and get out in to the working world, but for now, my job is laid out for me. Guilt or not. I just wish it paid a little better.
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Do you have a guilty conscience? Tell it to Sprite’s Keeper , or stop by The Spin Cycle for more guilt ridden posts.
Our society is paying the price for all of the kids that raised themselves while both parents went to work. It sent a clear message that work and money were more important than family. If you think for one second, that I would prefer you go to work over staying at home and managing the everyday affairs at home, you are nuts. You provide me with the comfort of knowing that our children are taken care of by one of two people (me being number two)that would die before allowing anything bad to happen to them. I will work as many hours, at as many jobs necessary, to provide the legitimate needs of our family. Would more money be nice…yes. Would more stuff be nice…I guess. Don’t you worry about the kids. What we are giving them cannot be measured by any man-made unit of measure. I would like you to realize that you will always be more than just a money maker. Friend, cook, chauffeur, cop, judge, maid, the list could go on forever. How could you have the time for guilt. Then after doing all of that, you have to deal with me and all of my crazy ideas and wants. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If listen carefully, I am sure someone in the house is screaming for their mommy. Good luck!
After writing all that, I forgot to tell you how much I love you. And I know I will never be able to say it enough, but Thank you….for everything. I would not change a thing. (except for maybe remodeling the bathrooms, and buying that old car, oh and…) Love ya.
I was the SAHM for eight years. Of course, my situation was a bad one, and when I finally got out, I had to work. I work full time now, and the guilt is horrible. But on the other hand, my children and I have a freedom we haven’t had in years either. It’s a balance I suppose. Until the day I win the lotto, I’ll just keep working and realize we all do the best we can.