Jan 15 2009
When Reality Socks You in the Gut
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a picture of myself in my head. Now, this self portrait is a blend of several different images - how I wish I looked, how I looked ten years ago, and how I might appear in a mirror if I glance for just a nanosecond or squint really tight.
So today, as I was out and about tending to various duties and chores, I crossed paths with a woman and had the following exchange.
She: “He’s so cute.” Gesturing at my two year old who is in fact adorable.
Me: “Thank you.” She was stating the obvious, but I wasn’t raised in a barn, you know?
She: “How old is he?”
Me: “Two.”
She: “Do you know what you’re having?”
Me: Looking perplexed, wondering if she’s talking about my lunch options even though we’re not in a restaurant, when suddenly it dawns on me…”Excuse me?”
She: “Aren’t you pregnant?” Maybe my gaping jaw was a hint that possibly I was not withchild.
Uncomfortable silence.
Me: “Uhm, no.”
End of conversation.
So here I was walking around, feeling confident when this smirking pencil pusher in smart looking career shoes, sucker punches me in my decidedly un-pregnant gut. It’s just not nice. As a rule, I never assume anyone is pregnant unless I see their round bellies stretching and protruding like there’s actually something alive in there, and even then it could be an alien inhabiting their abdomen and not likely to be something said person would want to talk about.
For future reference, folks, this is what a pregnant belly looks like:
And generally speaking, a belly like that doesn’t EVER go back to being completely flat without some reconstructive surgery.
Yeah, reality can be so inconvenient.
