Outnumbered Two to One

I’ve borrowed this idea from Helene over at I’m Living Proof that God has a Sense of Humor, she’s a list girl and consistently cracks me up with her twin tales, so I figured I’d use her as inspiration this Friday. Also check out Elizabeth at Three Channels who also did a great version of this list.

1. By all means, the toilet and the sink are completely interchangeable, feel free to wash your hands in the commode since it is already at your level. If I was shorter, I might opt to freshen up in there as well.
2. Of course Hershey’s kisses are an acceptable meal substitute. Calories are calories right? Who needs fiber? Nutrients are way overrated.
3. Please, tell your friends they can call at any time of day or night to gossip about what some long haired boy did or didn’t say to them. I don’t mind waking up at 3 am to answer the phone in an agitated haze, expecting to hear that someone in the family had died a horrible fiery death. Finding out it’s just a bored teenager on the other end is like a fabulous punch line to a hilarious joke.
4. Absolutely I’ll buy you that $75 Godzilla plush toy imported directly from Tokyo, but only if you ask me 35 times in rapid succession.
5. No, really, I love it when you ask me a series of questions in the middle of a climactic scene of a movie I’ve never watched. I love being jarred out of the moment.
6. Whenever you have to pee in the early predawn hours of a school day, please be sure to wake me from my peaceful slumber just to let me know. Knowledge is power.
7. Don’t ever, ever, do things the first time I ask. That would just take the fun out of me repeating myself thirty times before finally bellowing so loudly I burst a blood vessel in my eye. I don’t get enough opportunities to yell at you.
8. Aw, it’s so cute when you rip off your diaper and run around naked before accidentally peeing on the tile and slipping in it. It’s like living my own AFV clip, except I get to wash pee out of your hair which makes it that much better.
9. Yay, splash more of your dirty bathwater at me, especially when I’m nice and dry and ready for bed myself. If you can, wait until my mouth is open.
10. More whining, please, I can’t get enough of it. If all four of you can do it at the same time in varying pitches, it’s almost musical, like you’re all performing a beautiful new age opera just for me. Ah, what a tribute.